Life...Gone

I wanted a child
You gave me a child
And our child left before
Light could witness his arrival

I miss my son
My boy
Who would have his
Mother's questioning eyes
Father's happy heart
Grandparents' tickled glee

I miss my son
And baby showers
And new birth photos
And glowing parents
Remind me that my son
MY son
Is gone

Blame You, Lord?
No
But the hurt stains me
Please give us a second chance
Wife of my heart and me
To love our child
Hold our child
Feel our child
Please...

a look backward, a walk forward

i am here
my soul is happy
death walked near my home
yet praise filled me
hurt lasts its time
but joy endures forever
praise the Most High
for His peace in troubled times
He deserves every word and action

Too Long/Be Strong

I hopped the hurdles
Ran the length of the track
Heaved through that last lap
My body is drained
The race I've run
Feels lost.

Where is my pride in the effort
And the glory of the race complete?
Where hangs the medal,
Laced and shined, ready for my neck
To be its momentary resting-place?
Life is not about medals;
Life is about endurance.

So I've run my race
And hurt my joints,
And my feet sing
Songs of agony and accusation
But I ran
And I finished
And despair did not stop me.
Life is never about medals;
Life is ever about enduring and prevailing.
I've won
Another chance to race
Another day.

Facing the Truth

There is distance between us
I can't walk past my mirror
Without finding a negative
Staring me down
Glaringly angry
Ready for war
The negative
Needs a holy Positive
To right the balance of things
Lord of my life, reset me
Bring me to the man I am
When You lead my course
My life is at risk
My heart is on empty
My God, I need You
Today, right now
This second
Now

A Question of Authenticity

CHRISTIAN: –adjective
1. of, pertaining to, or derived from Jesus Christ or His teachings: a Christian faith.
2. of, pertaining to, believing in, or belonging to the religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ: Spain is a Christian country.
3. of or pertaining to Christians: many Christian deaths in the Crusades.
4. exhibiting a spirit proper to a follower of Jesus Christ; Christlike: She displayed true Christian charity.
5. decent; respectable: They gave him a good Christian burial.
6. human; not brutal; humane: Such behavior isn't Christian.
–noun
7. a person who believes in Jesus Christ; adherent of Christianity.
8. a person who exemplifies in his or her life the teachings of Christ: He died like a true Christian.

I see the word emblazoned on headlines, read political commentary about so-called "Christians" claiming their contradictorily amorphous beliefs on political platforms (and shifting those beliefs as quickly as they read poll reaction to their declarations), and hear it describing people who fit no part of the word's definition. MOST of the pictures that people paint for their public images fail to match the Lord's love and power to free our needy humanity from sin and its ultimate consequence, a deathly separation from a caring God.

Personally, I want more from me. I want and expect more from me. Honestly, I believe that God wants more from me, too.

This blog was not intended to be a faith-walk journal; I just had some prayers within my heart that found their way on my Vaio's screen. Writing here and searching through Scripture, I see where I stood with God before this blog began and where I am now. I was a nice, peace-thinking sinner before, but I was NOT a Christian. I could talk nice things to nice people about anything. I could curse people with the same mouth that prayed for God's help in my concerns. I could excuse me for making immoral decisions by saying within, Lord, I know I'm wrong, but I know, too, that you can forgive me. I was no better than a man who beats his wife to a bloody pulp and then begs her forgiveness with false promises that "it'll never happen again." I was guilty of hypocrisy and a long list of other personal sins that I swept under a figurative rug because I didn't want to face me. Boy, was I an idiot!

That changed when I accepted the truth: God, and not my good deeds, had to clean me. I prayed for God's forgiveness, knowing from Scripture that Jesus had made the only blood sacrifice that could defeat sin completely in my life, and asked the Lord to enter my ENTIRE life and being (I didn't want to get it wrong ever again!). I acknowledged fully that I had to reach to God according to the terms HE made and that I had to scrap my faulty list of "do-good deeds" if I wanted to live a meaningful life of purpose in this life and see Heaven in the next. I found a Savior Who could free me from my sin and help me to live a happy and holy life. No longer doubtful or wondering, I became an authentic Christian, saved by grace and empowered to live a holy life by the Spirit of God.

God used a blog to help me see through all my personal lies to the truth of His Word and His salvation through Jesus Christ. My hope is that He will reach others in the same way.

One more thing: DO NOT TAKE MY WORD ALONE! Open the Bible, take a look at the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and see for yourself what Jesus did for us! Ask God to prove that He is real and that He does what He says in that 66-book love letter to mankind called the Bible. How else will you believe it?

Peace and blessings,

A New Man

Protection

Protect us, oh Lord
Hold enemies and evildoers far From us
Make peace our path
And enlarge our shields
Let your people stand strong
Formidable before all who would Assail us
We are Yours, Lord of all
And You promise peace
You grant wisdom
We see our lives
As your most prized treasures
Protect us
And keep our peace.

Resolve:Release

Resolved:
No more shall I waste my breath
Screaming of wrongs
When I cannot see rights
Pursued by the people who complain
No more shall I waste my breath
Speaking pearls of wisdom
To men who squeal as pigs
Hungry for evil and sloth
When my words need to approach Heaven
There are needs in this world
That go beyond my ability
My reach
My power
Only the God of Moses
Of David
Of Paul
Of me
Can handle this world's pains

Released:
My false hopes
My selfishness
My care for wasteful things
My sensitivity to perceived hurts
My challenge of rightful authority
My faithlessness
My hate
My fear
My ego
My code
My self-made godliness
My wasted breath

Cannot stand another moment
Of lying to myself
God must rule more than my heart
More than my wallet and bank account
The God of all must rule my life
Or my life is worth nothing
I seek a higher profit margin
My soul must profit peace
When war rages all around me

This day
I begin again

This day
I win by God's hand

This day
I resolve
To release.